4 words: hood of his car
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She bit a glass in half.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
