Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
