i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
