Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
