i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
