i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
