You're my little dorito
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
