Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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