I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
