i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
