Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
