I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
