she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
