I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
