Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
