i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
