she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
