I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
