I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
