You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will pee on everything he values.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
