we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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