I'm lost and stupid without you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
