i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
