..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
