If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
