Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
