and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
