that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
