I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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