i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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