Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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