The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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