I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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