I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
