Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
