She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
