You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
