How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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