No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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