fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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