So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
