apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
