I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
