Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
