Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
