They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
