I murdered the dance floor call the cops
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
