You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
