Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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