my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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