I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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