if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
